'Smile in the mirror. Do that every morning and you'll start to see a big difference in your life.'
Yoko Ono
I know one morning, one day very soon, you will wake up with that warm, cozy feeling deep down in the pit of your stomach; that nearly perfect, reassuring feeling that all is well and that you are ok. You’ll feel safe and loved and secure in all that you are as an individual. You’ll feel as though the world isn’t quite as scary as you thought it was, that just being alive isn’t so daunting either. You’ll feel as though the pressure has finally been lifted off of your tired shoulders, and you’ll finally be able to fill your lungs with a breath of fresh air, and after all of the worries, anxieties, and pain you have endured for months, even years, you will finally feel 'good'. Actually good. This feeling of goodness, and this feeling of being ok, will catch you by surprise. You will wonder if it is real, or if you are dreaming. You’ll wonder if this feeling is fleeting, because after all of the hurt you have been through, this warming feeling seems far too good to be true. But I promise you, it is here to stay. It is here because you’ve made it over the side of the bridge, you’ve finally made it through the hardships, and despite being bruised and battered, with an aching heart, the world is finally light again. You have outrun the darkness and come out the other side, and when this relief fills your soul, when this goodness envelops you, you will remember that this is what happiness feels like.
When this morning comes, waking up won’t be so hard, you won’t be so afraid, and showing up won’t be such a challenging task. You won’t have to fake a smile, or constantly be reminding yourself to put on a brave face, but rather this morning, you will feel a sense of fulfilment washing over you, a sense of certainty that this is how life is supposed to be; that this is who you were meant to be. Someone happy, someone wild, someone free, not worrying that your best isn’t good enough, and that you yourself aren’t good enough. You won’t be so concerned about what others think of you, because deep down you’ll know that what’s most important is what you think of you, and from climbing this mountain, you will have learned that your mind had been playing tricks on you, and that you have been loved this whole time all along. You will have learned that your anxieties didn’t always reflect the truth, and learned that happiness had always been waiting for you, even when all you could see was darkness. You will have learned how important it is to now choose yourself, and to choose to fight for yourself, so when this day comes, you’ll feel at home in your body, a body that once felt foreign to you, a body that never felt right. You’ll feel at peace with the body that was never quite enough for you, and when your body feels like home and when your thoughts feel significant, you’ll finally feel like you have a place in this world. You’ll admire your differences, rather than critiquing your flaws. You’ll look back at the bridges you moved and will feel nothing but pride for how far you have come, for how many battles you had to fight.
I know you don’t think you will get here, and that you will never find happiness. I know you believe that you are the exception, you are the one who will never find out how incredibly beautiful life can be, and I know you believe that you are the only one who will always be struggling through a silent battle, never to be won. I know you think that it’s not going to get better for you, that you will have to fight the rest of your life, and that this is it for you. But you are wrong. You are very, very wrong.
However, you will get there, you will find happiness, and you will be ok. Because there are so many tomorrows in this world, there are so many sunrises, and so many new beginnings. Everything is in constant flux, including you. You will get to a place where you feel like you are exactly where you need to be. Your past doesn’t need to dictate your future, and just because things have been hard, doesn’t mean they will continue this way. Just because you haven’t been happy in a long time, doesn’t mean that you can’t or won’t be happy moving forward. Make space in your life for things to go well, and remind yourself that it is ok to want goodness, and it is ok to want life to be easier. You are not weak for wanting to love your life, or for wanting to love yourself, and you don’t have to be constantly fighting to prove your worth to yourself or to the world. You’re allowed to show up and choose happiness. You’re allowed to see the light, even if for so long you’ve been living in the dark. You’re allowed to have hope about your future.
I know the world can feel heavy sometimes, and I know that at times you will feel worn down by the weight. But take heart in the truth that bad times never last, that they come through, shake your world and shed out a few tears, and can leave you feeling scared and alone in the darkness. BUT they always, without fail, pass through. The hard times will phase in and they will also phase out, paving your own path through the darkness. Your story isn’t over, but rather, just beginning. You just have to make sure you keep going, you have to promise not to quit, as the good times are beginning, and you can view the light at the end of the tunnel. Because believe it or not, you are in for something wonderful, something extraordinary, something so fulfilling. So just be patient. Hold on tight, and wait for the tides to change. They always do.
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