Be the girl who saves herself

'It takes strength not to abandon yourself'

It takes strength not to abandon yourself. Sometimes you feel so alone, hurt, angry, disappointed, or frustrated that all you want to do is disappear forever. You put yourself down to feel so low that you question whether or not you will ever get back up again.

In these times, you’ll think about other people and how they deal with things. You’ll think about all the things you should have done or should have said, all the steps you should have taken, and all the signs you should have seen. You’ll overanalyse everything as per usual, hating yourself for all those things you could have and should have done. It will appear you find pleasure in overthinking things and stressing out; you just can’t seem to stop.

Then one day it will all click; it is purely your mind playing games on your heart, and you’ll be forced to realise that the clock’s not turning back, questioning what’s left for you to do.

You'll beginning finding the strength and courage to back yourself; embracing decisions and owning what you do. You will learn to analyse these situations positively and stop losing sleep over them like you use to.

These realisations in life are what define you and who you become; they help you learn, and they help you grow. They make you the person you’re destined to be.

It’s your journey, and it’s ok to get lost along the way, not knowing which direction is right and which is wrong. However please do not lose sight of your purpose; allowing it to motivate, drive you, and more importantly define you.

Don’t let your feelings of insecurity and confusion allow you to lose who you have become. Don’t allow it to have power to make you doubt yourself and all you have yet to achieve either.

Find the little things in life that remind you it’s all going to be ok. Read a book, go on an adventure, practice yoga, listen to music; do anything you can to just feel at ease, even if it’s only for five minutes; because those five minutes can have the power to change everything. They can remind you how strong you are and how close you are to your goal. They can bring back that drive and that motivation that makes you, you. They can give you that extra push to get you over the finish line, to make you a happier and more successful version of yourself.

So during the times where life gets tough, find these things; a few moments of optimism in your life can save you a lifetime of regrets, guilt and negative feelings. When things get hard, we sometimes take the easier option and choose to quit, but not you; you can be somebody that you are proud to look in the mirror and see, somebody who glows with ambition and success, but most importantly, you can be the girl who saved herself.

Let the low times in your life usher in the times when you fly higher than you’ve been before. This is your life, it’s time to stop being so hard on yourself and to start living.

Even through the unknown, she knows hope is there

'A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets it wings; remember that next time you feel alone'

For her, hope is there, but only in small breaths; and with every inhale she feels herself losing more with every exhale.

With every step forward, she’s more and more tired.

The back and forth of finding reason and then being confused again is tiring.

The back and forth of finding strength and then feeling tired again is tiring.

Finding her way is tiring. Smiling while trying to be ok is tiring.

Life is tiring.

But even though most is still unknown, she knows hope is always there; that's what gets her through.

She never stops believing that even though her efforts may not be showing results now, someday they will.

Even though she experiences moments of deep loneliness, she knows someday she’ll be held.

Even though hope comes in small breaths, she knows small hope is better than no hope.

She knows sometimes you don’t need much of something for it to be just enough. It is the ‘small’ hope holding her through every breath forward, and that is enough.

Forget happy, I want to be free

'Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better'

Somewhere inside our brains we are hardwired to believe that happiness is some kind of beautiful destination. It's as though happiness is right around the corner, and our whole lives are dedicated to finally arriving there. It comes right after our next promotion, that new car we’ve been saving for, or that expensive engagement ring on our finger. We fool ourselves into thinking that all of our efforts will add up to eternal bliss, so long as we keeping taking steps higher up the never ending ladder.

There is so much weight placed on being happy; if you’re not happy, you’re too picky. If you’re overly happy, you’re delusional. Being sad or hitting a low makes us feel like we are a burden on the people around us; worrying that people will see sadness as a sign of weakness and/or that we won’t be successful until a pearly white grin is permanently plastered on our overwhelmed faces. We chase it but we can’t win, and in the end, this quest for happiness leaves us feeling anything but happy.

The slight glimmer of truth we can gather from this reality is that there is no 'destination happiness' but rather a facade; yet we spend our whole lives looking forward to it, straight into our graves. So let's try giving up this act and stop looking for the things that don’t exist; what if, instead, we focused on being free.

I don’t want fake happiness but rather, I want real freedom; the type of freedom that lets me be whoever I want to be with not strings attached. I want to be free from soul crushing expectations and every stigmatism that has ever been placed on my name. I want freedom to love the people I do and chase the things that actually make me excited to be alive. Why should I chase after the unattainable when I can give myself the freedom to create more pieces of happiness on my own.

There is so much power in taking life into your own hands and deciding who you are and what you want. Being happy is not linear, and part of actual happiness is accepting the lows along with the highs. You have to realise that our bad days lead us to the good ones, and that you can’t get too comfortable with wherever you currently are. However, the one thing you can make sure of, is the ability to choose your life and the ability to create the life you want and know with certainty that no one else chose it for you. Not allowing anyone from shoving you into a box and turning you into what they think you need to be; you made it here, and you choose where you go next.

I say this having learnt it myself; stop chasing a mirage and start taking control of the things you can actually take control of. Take the hard times and let them make you thankful for the good ones. Move your life in the direction you know you want to go, as after all, when you finally give yourself permission to be free, begin embracing the journey as you are bound to find more happiness along the way.